Heaven holds a sense of wonder….

{March 23, 2010}   Just an adjustment…

She’s got a new job. No more driving around puky non-tipping drunk [insert colorful insult here]s . She’s driving pizza! She works 2-3 nights a week (compare to 52-54 hours/week at her last job). She makes $175-200/night (compared to $200/week at the old job). She can stop and pee and get drinks and no one tells her how fast to drive or which way to go.

She’s getting more sleep, more time to herself.

And it’s an awkward transition.

Knew it would be. You get used to things being one way for so long – the entire time we’ve known each other, never mind lived together, her sleep schedule’s been erratic and we’ve had to work hard to make time together.

After all, she said it herself: the biggest reason she took the old job was because the hours made it impossible (or at least very difficult) to have a relationship. She didn’t want to deal with any more crazy bitches!

Then she fell in love with this crazy bitch (against her better judgment, I suppose) and… well, where there’s a will, there’s a way.

And now, we have tons of time together, and I can actually DO things, like clean the fish tank, scoop the litterbox, make dinner, without feeling that awkward conflict: “I only get a potential of x number of hours with her in the next three days. I should be with her. But she needs time to herself, so I should go ahead and get this done.”

It’s like my favorite Tank Girl memory. She weighs her options very seriously. “Save the world? Finish my beer…”

Oh, change. I’ve struggled with it – against it, even – much of my life. Even when it’s change I’ve pushed to make happen, I’m resistant to it. Something comforting in the familiar, even when the familiar is crazy-making.

In other news, I’m fairly certain it’s Spring now. The Vernal Equinox has come and gone, I’m wearing shorts, and the urge to get out and garden has begun to hit. We need to get the hell out of this townhouse and into a place with a yard and a garden. I can’t abide this much longer – all my little creatures need to run about!


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